Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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