They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
