just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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