She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
last night I used snow as a chaser
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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