I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
