You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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