What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
