you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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