i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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