Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
