my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
