He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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