I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
