I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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