i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
i am craving dick and cupcakes
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
