there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
