I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize
