you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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