she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
