i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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