Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
