You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.