i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
