Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
