you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
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