You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
