Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
