Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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