a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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