Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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