Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
The power of my boobs compel you
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
