I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
send nudes
from the living room?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
