whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
