The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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