that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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