just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
But theres a keg here and me gusta
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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