i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Sorry about my life...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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