I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
