What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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