I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
