dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
