I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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