i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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