Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Randomize
