did you get engaged???
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
