So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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