tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
