My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I fill condoms, not promises.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Randomize
