sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize