Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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