She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
