I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
ok first of all what the fuck
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
