If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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