Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
