just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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