There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
