Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
please come you make the beer taste better
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
