apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
where am i from again
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
