did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
