can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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