I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
