note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
