i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
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I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
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There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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