you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
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Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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