Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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