Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
