I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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