just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
