he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
