I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
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