there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
