yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
