i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Are my feet made of real feet?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
